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When you go around a corner in your minivan and you hear "CLUNK
CLANK CLITTITY CLUNK"...don't worry. It's just the toys and sippy cups all over the floor.
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Once a toddler learns to say the word "NO", all other words
in his or her vocabulary seem to dissipate.
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No...you're not the only one that can no longer take a shit
without an audience.
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Buy a Swiffer Wet Jet. As much as sippy cups get tipped over
and peanut butter gets smeared on your floor, this handy contraption saves a lot of time hauling out the mop and bucket everyday.
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It's okay to lick your finger and give your child a quick
facial cleaning before entering the store...even though you promised yourself you would never do THAT.
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Mommy's kisses can fix anything...unless it's a 150 yr old
heirloom from your grandmother that got knocked off the shelf during an indoor game of football.
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The package may say up to 16 lbs, but a diaper can actually
hold much more than that.
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If you hear the words "uh oh" following the flush of a toliet...it's
too late.
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Don't fret about the spit up all over your shirt; it's actually
the "in" thing right now...all the moms are wearing it.
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It's okay to cry with your daughter when she starts bawling
over the realization that she cannot grab the moon.
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A Mr Clean Magic Eraser works wonders for your little one's
art work all over your kitchen wall...unless it's done in black permenant marker...then you'll have to resort to paint.
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It's okay to fart in the grocery store and blame it on the
kids.
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When changing a diaper, quick reflexes are no match for a
stream of urine or projectile poop (YES there is such a thing).
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A toddler can destroy a lot in the 2-5 minutes it takes you
to go #2.
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If your child throws himself down on the floor in the middle
of a crowded store, it's okay to say, "Boy...if he were MY kid..."
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Save money on toys...give your child a remote, a cell phone
and a roll of toliet paper to play with.
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Yes...you've lost your mind. But I'm sure you're not the ONLY
person who has thrown a Hot Pocket in the dryer and the baby's clothes in the microwave. Maybe...
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